Latest Jokes

A wife comes home late one night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband's two.

Suspecting the worse, she reaches for an extra pillow and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can, letting her anger and frustration out. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.

He says, "Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?"

I once applied to a medical school but was declined.

The Dean said my handwriting was too legible.

One morning, in basic training, the drill sergeant came out and said he needed a volunteer for KP duty in the mess hall. After a minute of silence he pointed to a recruit and said, "You Volunteered!"

Panicking, the recruit said, "I didn't volunteer..."

The drill sergeant looked at him and said, "Were you drafted?"

"No, sir."

The drill sergeant smiled at him and said, "That's right! Therefore you volunteered."

You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is a sharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you.

Directly in front of you is another galloping horse but your horse is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the horse in front of you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

Get your drunk behind off the merry-go-round!