Latest Jokes

Just before Easter, I remarked to my husband that with the children grown and away from home, this was the first year that we hadn’t dyed eggs and had an Easter-egg hunt.

“That’s all right, honey,” he said. “We can just hide each other’s vitamin pills.”

My sister was busy getting ready to host our entire family for Easter. On her to-do list was a hair appointment for her daughter.

"So, Katie," said the stylist as the little girl got up in the chair, "who’s coming to your house this weekend with big ears and floppy feet?"

Katie replied, "I think it’s my Uncle Brian."

My wife and I were having a very hypothetical discussion... In the unlikely event that Hollywood made a movie based on our lives, we wondered what stars would play us.

"Who would you pick to portray you?" she asked me.

I thought about it for a minute, then answered, "George Clooney."

"In that case," she said, "I’ll play myself."

When we finished a personality assessment at work, I asked my friend Dan if he would share the results with his wife.

"That would require me to go home and say, ‘Hi, honey. I just paid someone $400 to tell me what’s wrong with me,’" he said.

"What's wrong with that?" I asked.

"Well, based on that, and considering we’ve been married 23 years, she’d probably hand me a bill for $798,000."