Two New Yorkers are in Las Vegas gambling, and they win two hundred thousand dollars. One man says to the other, “come on let’s go out and paint the town!” “You know.” Says his friend, “I think this money is New York money. This dough is earmarked for the Big Apple, and I think we should go back there to spend it.” “You’re right,” says the first man. “Let’s go out to the airport right now and catch the first plane back.” “Forget the airport,” says the friend, “let’s just take a limo.” “Forget the limo,” says the first man, and then he yells, “taxi!” A cab pulls up in front of the two men. The friend opens the door and is about to get in when the first man says to him, “Say, where in New York do you live?” “Fifty-ninth Street,” says the friend. The first man then says, “In that case, I had better get in first because I’m getting out at forty-third.”
A rooster was strutting around the henhouse one Easter morning and came across a nest of eggs dyed every color of the rainbow. The rooster took one look at the colorful display, ran outside and beat the heck out of the resident peacock.
- S.C. Herald-Journal -
Kerry the tomcat was scampering all over the neighborhood – down alleys, up fire escapes, into cellars. A disturbed neighbor knocked on the owner’s door and said,
“Your cat is rushing about like mad.” “I know,” the man conceded. “Kerry’s just been neutered, and he’s running around canceling engagements.”
- Larry Wilde –
Library of Laughter
Sign seen in a veterinarian’s office:
The doctor is in. Sit. Stay.