Latest Jokes

A man walks up to a cashier in a grocery store. He says, "Hey, how much for these jalapeño peppers?" He pronounces it "jo-la-pen-o", not "ho-lo-peen-yo".
The cashier says, "Sir, that's not what those peppers are called."
The man replies, "Listen, buddy, this is America, and I can pronounce any word the way I please." The cashier responds, "That is as may be, sir, but those are green peppers."

Mother asks little Johnny, as they wait for the bus, to tell the driver he is 4 years old when asked because he will ride for free. As they get into the bus the driver asks Johnny how old he was. "I am 4 years old". "And when will you be six years old?" asks the driver. “When I get off the bus" answers Johnny.

A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa.. 'The
material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us
sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your
stomach lining.. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can
be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the
germs in our drinking water. However, there is one thing that is the
most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone
here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering
for years after eating it?' After several seconds of quiet, a
75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said,
'Wedding Cake.'

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at
the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy
25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her
youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens
intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast. At
the very first chance, they corner him and ask, 'Bob, how'd you get the
trophy girlfriend?' Bob replies, 'Girlfriend? She's my wife!' They
are knocked over, but continue to ask. 'So, how'd you persuade her to
marry you?' 'I lied about my age', Bob replies. 'What, did you tell her
you were only 50?' Bob smiles and says, 'No, I told her I was 90.'