Pat and Mick have just started their job installing telegraph poles. At the end of the first week they both go to collect their wages and the boss tells Mick he is dismissed. Why? asks Mick. Well, said the boss. Pat has put in 50 poles this week and you have only done 5, Mick looks rather perplex, and says, “but look how far he has left them sticking out.”
A bent-over old lady hobbled into a doctor's office. Within minutes, she came out again but miraculously, she was standing up as straight as could be.
A man in the waiting room, who had been watching her, said in amazement, "My goodness, what did the doctor do to you?"
The old lady replied, "He gave me a longer cane."
A married woman has a lover. It’s no secret, her husband and all there friends know about it. One day, the woman suddenly dies. At the funeral, to the embarrassment of all, the boyfriend is there and is crying hysterically. Finally, the husband can't take anymore of it. He approaches the man, puts his arms around him and says "Please don't carry on like this. I'll marry again.
At a Catholic school, there was a "meet the teacher" open house for the 2nd graders. After the meeting, a Nun announced that there would be a small reception afterwards in the cafeteria. All the children and parents filed in, and saw on a table a plate of apples, a plate of cookies, and some water bottles and juice. As the children went through the line, one boy saw that there was a sign on the plate of apples that said, "Take only one. God is watching." So, the boy took an apple and moved on to the cookies. He helped himself, and then took a small piece of paper, and wrote: "Take all you want”. God is watching the apples."