Latest Jokes

John received a free ticket to the Super Bowl. Unfortunately. John's seat was in the last row in the corner of the stadium. He was closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the stadium. He noticed an empty seat 10 rows up from the 50-yard line. He decides to make his way to the empty seat. As he sits down he asks the man next to him if anyone is sitting there. The man told him no, it was empty. John is very excited to have a seat like this at a Super Bowl and asks why in the world no one is using it? The man replied that it was his wife's seat but she passed away. He said this was the first Super Bowl that they have not attended together since they were married in 1968. John said that it was really sad and asked if he couldn't find someone, a relative or a close friend to take the seat?

"No" replied the man, "They're at her funeral!"

A man comes home after an assignment of 3-years and he finds, there is an additional member of the family, a 29 months toddler. Furious he demands an explanation:
He says, how could you have done this to me! Did you cheat on me with one of my friends, was it Josh, was it Nathan, or was it John?
His wife with a daring look says, your friends! Your friends! Don’t you think I have my own friends too?

One day a city bus driver picked up a woman that was carrying a paper bag full of oranges.
There were no empty seats so she had to hang on by a strap in the aisle. After traveling a few blocks the driver had to make a sudden stop.
This caused the woman to almost fall down and several oranges fell to the floor. As she bent over to pick them up she expelled gas making some loud noises. The bus driver remarked "that's right lady, if you can't catch them, shoot them"

A man was speeding down the highway and a cop pulled him over and gave him a ticket after staring at it he asked, "WHEN'S THE RAFFLE?"