The teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway. After a brief, fruitless search, he gave up. His mother took up the cause and within minutes she had found the lens.

"I looked everywhere, how did you do that?" he asked.

"We weren’t looking for the same thing," she explained. "You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I, on the other hand, was looking for $150!"

I was driving home from work when I was pulled over for not wearing a seat belt. Three days later, I got the same ticket, at the same stop, from the same cop.

“So, have you learned anything?” asked the cop.

“Yes, I have,” I began. “I’ve learned it's time to find a new way home from work.”

What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?

A receding hare-line.

At the supermarket, a woman shopped with her four boys and a baby. Her patience was wearing thin as the boys called out, "Mommy! Mommy!" while she tried to shop.

Finally, she blurted out, "I don’t want to hear the word mommy for at least ten minutes!"

The boys fell silent for a few seconds. Then one tugged on his mother’s dress and said softly, "Excuse me, miss."