How do fleas travel?
They itch-hike.

What insect stays healthy all the time?
Vitamin Bee.

What do bugs use to add things in school?
Moth-matics.

What do you call an insect that smells nice?
A deodor-ant.

What kind of key opens a banana?

A monkey!

A deaf old lady went to the doctor to find out whether there was any risk of her getting pregnant again.

He told her, “Mrs. Marx, you’re seventy-five. Whilst one can never rule out an act of God, if you were to have a baby it would be a miracle.”

When she got home, her husband asked her what the doctor had said.

“I didn’t quite catch it all,” she admitted, “but it sounded a bit fishy; something about an act of cod, and if I had a baby it would be a mackerel.”

A golfer was enduring the most miserable round. Every shot he tried seemed to end in disaster. He and his caddie had trailed in and out of woodland, deep rough, a lake and countless sand traps. On the seventeenth hole he was left with a shot of 180 yards to the green.

“Do you think I can get there with a five-iron?” he asked his caddie.

The caddie sighed, “Eventually.”