A guy brings a dog to a bar and says he’s the smartest dog in the world.

Guy asks him: Name a character from West Side Story?

Dog: Riff Riff!

Guy asks him: What covers a building or a house?

Dog: Roof Roof!

Guy asks him: Who’s the best baseball player ever?

Dog: Ruth Ruth!

Bartender kicks them both out of the bar.

Dog: What went wrong? Should I have said Cy Young?

What do people in China call their fancy plates?

What are the two reasons why babies wear diapers?

Number 1 and Number 2!

An accountant got out of bed one morning and complained that he had not slept a wink.

“Why didn’t you count sheep?” his wife asked.

“I did, and that’s what got me into trouble,” the accountant replied. “I made a mistake the first hour, and it took until this morning to correct it.”