A guy brings a dog to a bar and says he’s the smartest dog in the world.
Guy asks him: Name a character from West Side Story?
Dog: Riff Riff!
Guy asks him: What covers a building or a house?
Dog: Roof Roof!
Guy asks him: Who’s the best baseball player ever?
Dog: Ruth Ruth!
Bartender kicks them both out of the bar.
Dog: What went wrong? Should I have said Cy Young?
An accountant got out of bed one morning and complained that he had not slept a wink.
“Why didn’t you count sheep?” his wife asked.
“I did, and that’s what got me into trouble,” the accountant replied. “I made a mistake the first hour, and it took until this morning to correct it.”