Past Winners

During a Christmas exam, one of the questions was: What causes a depression?

One of the students wrote: "God knows! I don't. Merry Christmas!"

The exam paper came back with the prof's notation: "God gets 100. You get zero. Happy New Year."

Why was 4 scared to ask out 5?

Because 4 was 2².

I asked my wife when her birthday was.

She said March 1st.

So I walked around the room and asked again.

1. If you can't find a screwdriver, use a knife. If you break off the tip, it's an improved screwdriver.

2. Try to work alone. An audience is rarely any help.

3. Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, then it isn't stupid.

4. Work in the kitchen whenever you can... many fine tools are there, its warm and dry, and you are close to the refrigerator.

5. If it's electronic, get a new one... or consult a twelve year old.

6. Stay simple minded: Get a new battery; replace the bulb or fuse; see if the tank is empty; try turning the switch or just paint over it.

7. Always take credit for miracles. If you dropped the alarm clock while taking it apart and it suddenly starts working, you have healed it.

8. Regardless of what people say, kicking, pounding, and throwing sometimes DOES help.

9. If something looks level, it is level.

10. If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.