Past Winners

A veterinarian surgeon had a bad day, but when he got home from tending to all the sick animals, his wife was waiting with a long cool drink and a romantic candle-lit dinner. After dinner, they had a few more drinks and went happily to bed.

At about 2:00 in the morning, the phone rang. "Is this the vet?" asked an elderly lady.

"Yes, it is," replied the vet, "Is this an emergency?"

"Well, sort of," said the elderly lady, "There's a whole bunch of cats on the roof outside making a terrible noise mating, and I can't get to sleep. What can I do about it?"

There was a sharp intake of breath from the vet, who then patiently replied, "Open the window and tell them they're wanted on the phone."

"Really?" said the elderly lady, "Will that stop them?"

"Well, it should," said the vet, "It stopped ME!"

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?"

"Ninety eight," she replied, "two years older than me."

"So you're 96?" the undertaker commented.

She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?"

A guy goes to the doctor, “Do you have something against a persistent hiccup?”

The doctor gives him a huge slap in the face and says, “Yes. Sorry, this is the best treatment.”

The guy holds his cheek and says, “Okay, but it’s actually my wife who’s got the issue!"

Fred: I’ve invented a truck that runs on water.

Ed: Why does it have such huge balloon tires?

Fred: So it can run on water.