Freshman: Is never in bed past noon.
Senior: Is never out of bed before noon.
Freshman: Reads the syllabus to find out what classes he can cut.
Senior: Reads the syllabus to find out what classes he needs to attend.
Freshman: Brings a can of soda into a lecture hall.
Senior: Brings a jumbo hoagie and six-pack of Mountain Dew into a recitation class.
Freshman: Calls the professor "Teacher."
Senior: Calls the professor "Bob."
Freshman: Would walk ten miles to get to class.
Senior: Drives to class if it's more than three blocks away.
Freshman: Memorizes the course material to get a good grade.
Senior: Memorizes the professor's habits to get a good grade.
Freshman: Knows a book-full of useless trivia about the university.
Senior: Knows where the next class is. Usually.
Freshman: Shows up at a morning exam clean, perky, and fed.
Senior: Shows up at a morning exam in sweats with a cap on and a box of pop tarts in hand.
Freshman: Has to ask where the computer labs are.
Senior: Has own personal workstation.
Freshman: Lines up for an hour to buy his textbooks in the first week.
Senior: Starts to think about buying textbooks in October... maybe.
Freshman: Looks forward to first classes of the year.
Senior: Looks forward to first beer garden of the year.
Freshman: Is proud of his A+ on Calculus I midterm.
Senior: Is proud of not quite failing his Complex Analysis midterm.
Freshman: Calls his girlfriend back home every other night.
Senior: Calls Domino's every other night.
Freshman: Is appalled at the class size and callousness of professors.
Senior: Is appalled that the campus 'Subway' burned down over the summer.
Freshman: Conscientiously completes all homework, including optional questions.
Senior: Homework? I knew I forgot to do something last night.
Freshman: Goes on grocery-shopping trip with Mom before moving onto campus.
Senior: Has a beer with Mom before moving into group house.
Freshman: Is excited about the world of possibilities that awaits him, the unlimited vista of educational opportunities, the chance to expand one's horizons and really make a contribution to society.
Senior: Is excited about new dryers in laundry room.
Freshman: Takes meticulous four-color notes in class.
Senior: Occasionally stays awake for all of class.
Three students all have dinner together, a sophisticate, a vulgarian, and a foreigner. They return to their shared dorm rooms that night and when they wake up in the morning they all have painful gas. The sophisticate says,
"Zounds! I just broke wind with such intense vigor my anus hurt!"
The vulgarian says,
"Crap, dude! That fart hurt my butt-hole!"
The foreigner who would have understood,
"Wow, stinky pain!" tries to fit in by saying,
"Broke fart intense butt-hole!"
The professor of a university was extremely busy explaining something important with regard to his subject to the students when a girl belonging to the same class arrived late at the door and said, "May I get in, sir?"
"Don't you think you're terribly late today?" said the angry professor to the girl.
The girl then said, "When I was coming to college, a boy was following me, sir."
"I hope he hasn't stalked you. Yet, why did you get late?" demanded the professor.
Without a moment hesitation the girl replied, "But, he was walking slowly, sir."