The mathematics professor noticed that one of his pupils was going from day-dreaming to sleep and back. He was oblivious and not following the instructions on the chalk board.
To recall his attention the professor said sharply: "Brown, Brown, board!"
Brown, startled looked up and replied, "Yes sir, very much."
One woman was bragging to her next-door neighbor about her son, a college student at the University of Illinois. "Why our son is so brilliant, every time we get a letter from him we have to go to the dictionary."
"You're lucky," the neighbor said. "Every time we get a letter from our son in college, we have to go to the bank!"
"You in the back of the room, what was the date of the signing of the Magna Carter?"
"You don't? Well let's try this. Who was Bonny Prience Charley?"
"Well, tell me what the Tennis Court Oath was?"
"I assigned this stuff last Friday. What were you doing this last weekend?"
"I was out drinking beer and fishing with friends."
"You were? What audacity to stand there and tell me a thing like that? How do you ever expect to pass this course?"
"I don't. I just came in to fix the radiator."
On the first day of class the chemistry professor was asking around the room the elements in the periodic table. "Jones, what does HNO3 signify?
Jones, searching for the answer replied, "Well, ah, I've got it right on the tip of my tongue, sir."
Professor: "Well, you better spit it out. It's nitric acid."