kid jokes

Bert: Hey Ernie, would you like some ice cream?

Ernie: Sherbert

After tucking their three-year-old child Sammy in for bed one night, his parents heard sobbing coming from his room.

Rushing back in, they found him crying hysterically. He managed to tell them that he had swallowed a penny and he was sure he was going to die. No amount of talking was helping.

His father, in an attempt to calm him down, palmed a penny from his pocket and pretended to pull it from Sammy's ear. Sammy was delighted.

In a flash, he snatched it from his father's hand, swallowed, and then cheerfully demanded, "Do it again, Dad!"

Peter went home from school and with full of excitement, looked for his mother.

Peter: Mother, I almost made it as top 1 student of our class for this school year!

Mother: Oh really, I'm so proud of you son! So, you must be the top 2 then?

Peter: No mother, our teacher pointed to my seatmate, had she pointed me, I would have been the top 1 in our class! Almost mom! Almost!

3 boys are fishing on a river and a man comes floating by screaming help. The 3 boys grab the man and they realize it is Justin Bieber! Justin said thank you and he wanted to give each boy a gift, anything they wanted.

The first boy said, I haven't been to Disney World. Justin gave him and his family an all expense paid trip to Florida.

The second boy said, that he loves fishing but his dad works to much. Justin bought him and his dad an all expense paid trip to Alaska.

The third boy said what about a motorized wheel chair, with a tv and an Xbox attached, and it dispenses candy. Justin said yes, and that was great that he was giving away his gift. He asked who would be getting this gift? It's for me he replied. To that Justin replied, you can walk just fine though.

I will need that wheel chair after my dad finds out I pulled you out of the river.