misc jokes

A contractor hired two brothers to install home siding.
He demonstrated the process and sent them off to their first job.
Things were going smoothly when the older brother saw that his younger brother
was throwing nails away. He asked; "why are you throwing those nails away?" The younger brother replied, " The heads are on the wrong end." The older brother laughed, " Those are for the other side of the house."

Guidance Counselor: " Where do you see yourself in ten years?"
Student: " In a mirror...duh."

Q. What’s the difference between a man and a government bond?
A. Bonds mature.

Q: How do young wizards and witches correct their homework?
A: They use a spell-checker.