misc jokes

I just started a new diet. You can drink all the fruit juice you want, you can eat all the vegetables you want, and you can drink all the wine you want.

So far, I've lost 13 lbs and one driver’s license!

Q: Which is easier for a man to leave: the women or the Wine?
A: It depends on the age.

Two snakes are walking down the street. "Oh man, I have to ask you something!" the little one said.

"What is it?" replied the other snake.

"Are we poisonous?"

The other one replied, "Of course we are, why?"

"Because I just bit my lip."

In a greasy spoon, a downhearted diner asked the waitress for meatloaf and some kind words. She brought the meatloaf but didn’t say a thing. “Hey,” he said, “what about my kind word?”
She replied, “Don’t eat the meatloaf.”