When they asked the two monocles why they never got together, they said they'd like to, but didn't want to make spectacles of themselves.
A man was walking down the road with a bag of liverwurst under his arm. He came upon a young, very thin boy with a tern under his arm. The man asked "What are you doing with that bird under your arm?” The boy answered" I am very hungry and I want to eat this bird.” The man wanted to save the tern and at the same time ease the boy's hunger, so he traded the bag of liverwurst for the bird. In other words, he took a "TERN FOR THE WURST".
Two men out fishing for carp. One fellow stands up and as he does, his wallet falls out of his pocket and slowly sinks in the lake. As he tries to retrieve it, two huge carp show up and start fighting over possession of the wallet. The fellow turns to his comrade and states "First time I've seen carp to carp walleting!"
A young apprentice optometrist recently got careless and got his hand caught in the lens grinder. He wasn't seriously hurt, but he certainly made a spectacle of himself.