Best Jokes

In a recent issue of "Meat & Poultry" magazine, there was the following story... It seems the US Federal Aviation Administration has a unique device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. The device is a gun that launches a dead chicken at a plane's windshield at approximately the speed the plane flies. The theory is that if the windshield doesn't crack from the carcass impact, it'll survive a real collision with a bird during flight.

It seems the British were very interested in this and wanted to test a windshield on a brand new, speedy locomotive they're developing. They borrowed the FAA's chicken launcher, loaded the chicken and fired. The ballistic chicken shattered the windshield, went through the engineer's chair, broke an instrument panel and embedded itself in the back wall of the engine cab. The British were stunned and asked the FAA to recheck the test to see if everything was done correctly.

The FAA reviewed the test thoroughly and had one recommendation: "Use a thawed chicken."

How do you get hiring managers to hire you?

1. Put up posters of yourself in the company parking lot.

2. Announced your candidacy with a singing telegram.

3. Rent a billboard which the hiring manager can see from his/her office, listing your qualifications.

4. Deliver prepaid Chinese food, including a fortune cookie with your name and phone number.

What do you call a cow that flies?

High steaks.

But if it sinks, it’s just ground beef.

A conceited new rookie was pitching his first game.

He walked the first five men he faced and the manager took him out of the game.

The rookie slammed his glove on the ground as he yelled, "Darn it, the jerk took me out when I had a no-hitter going!"