Best Jokes

Q: How do you know an Antartian has been using the computer?
A: There is White-Out on the screen.

The factory foreman inspected the shipment of crystal vases leaving the plant, and approached his new packer. He put his arm around the man’s shoulder and said,
“Well, Ole, I see you did what I asked. Stamped the top of each box, ‘This Side Up,
Handle With Care.’”
“Yes sir,” the worker replied. “And just to make sure, I stamped it on the bottom too.”

Sitting at the bar, sad Rob told the bartender that he was drinking to forget the heartbreak of his broken engagement. “Yeah,” said Rob, “would you marry someone who didn’t know the meaning of the word faithful, and who was flip and even vicious when the subject of fidelity came up?” “ No way in hell” said the bartender.
“Well, said Rob, “neither would my fiancée.”

“Tell me,” the teacher asked her students, “do you know what the word ‘can’t’ is short for?” “Yes,” said little Lucy. “It’s short for ‘cannot.’”
“Very good. And what about ‘don’t’?”
Little Matt’s hand shot up. “That,” he said with authority, “is short for ‘doughnut.’”