Best Jokes

- EVER WONDER
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- Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
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- Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
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- Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
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- Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
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- Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
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- Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
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- Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid
- made with real lemons?
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- Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
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- Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
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- Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
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- When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
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- Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
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- Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
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- You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why
- don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
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- Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
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- Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
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- If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
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- If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender laughs and says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!"

The grasshopper looks at the bartender, with a look of extreme confusion on his face, and says, "You have a drink called Steve?"

To celebrate their fiftieth wedding anniversary, a couple returned to their honeymoon hotel. After retiring to bed, the wife said, “Darling, do you remember how you stroked my hair?” and so he stroked her hair. She reminded him of the way they had cuddled, and so they did. Then, with a sigh, she whispered, “Won’t you nibble my ear again?”
With that, the husband got out of bed and left the room. “Where are you going?” cried the wife.
“To get my teeth,” he said.

Little Pete came home from the playground with a bloody nose, black eye, and torn clothing. It was obvious he’d been in a bad fight and lost. While his father was patching him up, he asked his son what happened.

“Well, Dad,” said Pete, “I challenged Larry to a duel. And, you know, I gave him his choice of weapons.”

“Uh-huh,” said the father, “that seems fair.”

“I know, but I never thought he’d choose his sister!”