Best Jokes

Hearing a scream from the playroom, the mother rushed in and found her infant daughter pulling the hair of her four-year-old bother. After separating them, the mother said to her son, “Don’t be upset with your sister, honey. She didn’t know she was hurting you.”
No sooner had the mother returned to he chores than she heard more screaming. This time she rushed in and found the baby crying. “Now what happened?” she asked.
“Nothing,” said the boy, “except that now she knows.”

Returning to West Point late one night, Colonel Schultz and his wife were challenged by the sentry at the gate.
“Halt and identify yourself!”
“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!” declared the startled woman.
The sentry stepped aside. “Advance, Holy Family, to be recognized.”

Examining his new will, the old man said to his attorney, “I guess this makes my son and I sort of like football players.”
“How’s that?” the lawyer asked.
“Well, until I kick off, he doesn’t receive.”

When he was finished with the bulk of the changes, Mr. Smith added yet one more stipulation to his will: that he be buried at sea.
He explained, “that’s just in case my wife makes good on her threat t dance on my grave.”