Q. Why does a cow wear a bell?
A. Because his horn doesn’t work!
On the outside flap of the sign, it reads: The kitchen is close today on account of illness.
Inside flap: I'm sick of cooking!
Q. Why don't snakes bite lawyers?
A. Professional courtesy!
This woman, who believed in natural birth, was having these abnormal contractions, went to see her Doctor. "Doc", she said, "I'm feeling these abnormal contractions". The Doctor took a listen, and said: "My dear lady, you’re going to be having triplets!" Baffled, the woman asked: "How can you tell?" The Doctor responded: "I hear inside: "No, you go first!" "No, you go first!" No, you go first!"