Two guys are at a bar, drunk and talking nonsense.
MAN 1: I am planning on buying the world.
MAN 2: That is crazy and makes no sense what-so-ever, you can't buy the world.
MAN 1: Why not?
MAN 2: Because, I am not going to sell it to you.
What do you call it when one bull spies on another bull?
A steak-out!
An older couple is watching TV and the man kept changing the channel by mistake. His wife said, "Honey, you need to spend less time on social media. You do know TV doesn’t have a like button right?"
Genie: OK, I'm ready for your third wish.
Me: Third? What about the first two?
Genie: Well, this is a little unusual, but after your first wish, you screamed like a madman and said "I wish I'd never made that wish!" So that counted as your second wish, and I erased your memory of both of them.
Me: Well, OK. I wish I really understood how women think.
Genie: Granted. By the way, that was your first wish, too.