Best Jokes

I don’t know why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine’s Day...

When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon.

Morris had been playing golf for years, and he had the finest equipment, but his technique never improved a bit.

As his friend watched, he teed up at the first hole and promptly drove a brand-new ball into the woods. On the second hole, he drove another new ball into a lake. On the third, he lost a new ball in another part of the woods.

"Why don't you use an old ball?" his friend Sam asked.

"I've never had an old ball," Morris said.

Father: Little Johnny, I see by your report card that you are not doing well in history. How come?

Little Johnny: I can’t help it. The teacher always asks me about things that happened before I was born.

Two old friends meet passing on the street one day. But one seemed hopeless, and almost on the verge of tears.

His friend asked, "What has the world done to you?"

The sad man said, "Let me tell you. Three weeks ago, an uncle died and left me forty thousand dollars."

"That's not bad."

"But you see, two weeks ago, a cousin I never even knew kicked the bucket, and left me eighty-five thousand free and clear."

"Sounds like you should be grateful..."

"You don't understand!" he interrupted. "Last week my great-aunt passed away. I inherited almost a quarter of a million."

Now the friend was really confused. "Then, why are you so sad?"

"This week... nothing!