Best Jokes

5 votes

A man and his wife were walking by a lovely looking restaurant when his wife excitingly said, "What a gorgeous smell coming from this restaurant!"

Being kindhearted he agreed with her and thought, "What the heck, I'll treat her!"

And so they walked by the restaurant again!

5 votes

CATEGORY Marriage Jokes
posted by "Pamela Taylor" |
$50.00 won 5 votes

"Hello! Is this Gordon's Pizza?"
"No sir, it's Google's Pizza."

"Did I dial the wrong number?
"No sir, Google bought the pizza store."

"Oh, alright then. I’d like to place an order please."
"Okay sir, do you want the usual?"

"The usual? You know what my usual is?"
"According to the caller ID, the last 15 times you’ve ordered a 12-slice with double-cheese, sausage, and thick crust."

"Okay, that’s what I want this time too."
"May I suggest that this time you order an 8-slice with ricotta, arugula, and tomato instead?"

"No, I hate vegetables."
"But your cholesterol is not good."

"How do you know?"
"Through the subscribers guide. We have the results of your blood tests for the last 7 years."

"You know what, I'm sick of Google, Facebook, Twitter, and everyone else having all my information! I'm going to an island without internet, where there’s no cellphone line, and no one to spy on me!"

"I understand sir. But you may want to renew your passport... it expired 5 weeks ago."

5 votes

posted by "Kyoto" |
$6.00 won 5 votes

"Doctor, Doctor, I have a hoarse throat."

"Well I hate to break it you, but the resemblance doesn't end there."

5 votes

CATEGORY Doctor Jokes
posted by "Richard Felt" |
5 votes

Julius Caesar walks into a bar and says, "Give me a martinus!"

The bartender says, "You mean a martini?"

Caesar replies, "No, I want one, not two."

5 votes

posted by "Retired Terp" |