If your name is on the building, you’re rich...
If your name is on your desk, you’re middle-class...
If your name is on your shirt, you’re neither of the first two!
A woman shipped an expensive gift to her best friend. A few days later her best friend replied with a thank you card but forgot to write something on the inside.
When her friend brought this to her attention, to escape embarrassment she said, "When I saw how much you spent on that gift... I WAS SPEECHLESS!"
A drunk appears in front of a judge.
The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking."
The drunk, a bit surprised, says, "Okay, let's get started!"
Patient: "My problem is that I keep stealing things when I go shopping. Can you give me something for it?"
Doctor: "Try this medicine. If it doesn't work, come back to see me, and bring me a new video camera too."