A Lady on a commuter train is reading a newspaper article about life and death statistics. Fascinated, she turns to the man next to her and asks, “Did you know that every time I breathe somebody dies?”
“Really?” he says. “Have you tried a good mouthwash?”
A shipwrecked sailor spent several years on a deserted island. Then one morning he was thrilled to see a ship offshore and a smaller vessel pulling out toward him.
When the boat grounded on the beach, the officer in charge showed the marooned sailor a few news headlines and told him, "With the captain's compliments. He said to read through these and let us know if you still wish to be rescued."
A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his parents, "How was I born?"
"Well, Honey..." said the boy's mom, "the stork brought you to us."
"Oh," said the boy. "Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked.
"Oh, the stork brought us too," chimed in the dad.
"Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" he persisted.
"Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the mom, by now starting to squirm a little in the Lazy Boy recliner.
Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: "This report has been very difficult to write because there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."