Latest Jokes

I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia where I deny the existence of certain '80s bands...

There is no Cure.

During college, I worked on a conveyer belt. One day, I was on a blind date, and she asked me about my job.

"I work at the end of a belt," I said.

With an ebullient smile, she asked, "Are you the buckle?"

A guy and his wife were cleaning out the attic one day when he came across a ticket from the local shoe repair shop. The date stamped on the ticket showed that it was over 11 years old. They both laughed and tried to remember which of them might have forgotten to pick up a pair of shoes over a decade ago.

"Do you think the shoes will still be at the shop?" the man asked.

"Not very likely," his wife said.

"It's worth a try," he said, pocketing the ticket. He went downstairs, hopped in the car and drove to the shoe shop. With a straight face, he handed the ticket to the man behind the counter. With a face just as straight, the man said, "Just a minute. I'll have to look for these."

He disappeared into a dark corner at the back of the shop. Two minutes later, the man called out, "Here they are!"

"No kidding," the customer called back. "That's terrific! Who would have thought they'd still be here after all this time?"

The man came back to the counter, empty handed. "They'll be ready on Thursday," he said calmly.

During a sermon one Sunday, the pastor heard two teenage girls in the back giggling and disturbing people.

He interrupted his sermon and announced sternly, "There are two of you here who have not heard a word I've said." That quieted them down.

When the service was over, he went to greet people at the front door. Three different adults apologized for going to sleep in church, promising it would never happen again.