Latest Jokes

A lawyer called his client but their young son answered the phone, whispering "Hello?"

The lawyer asked if the boy's parents were home and the boy replied in a whisper, "Yes, but they can't come to the phone, they're very, very busy." A bit frustrated the lawyer asked if anyone else was home, to which the boy replied in a whisper, "Yes, my brothers are home, my sisters are home..."

The lawyer asked the young boy to put one of them on the phone, to which the boy replied in a whisper, "They can't come to the phone, they're very, very busy." Now very frustrated the lawyer asked if anyone else was home, to which the boy replied in a whisper, "Yes, my aunts are here, my uncles are here..."

The lawyer asked the young boy to put one of them on the phone, to which the boy replied in a whisper, "They can't come to the phone, they're very, very busy." Now completely frustrated the lawyer screams, "What are what are they all doing?"

The boy replied in a whisper, "They're looking for me".

A grandmother was pushing her little grandchild around Walmart in a buggy. Each time she put something in the basket she would say, "And here's something for you, Diploma," or "This will make a cute little outfit for you, Diploma," and so on.

Eventually a bewildered shopper who had heard all this finally asked, "Why do you keep calling your grandchild Diploma?"

The grandmother replied, "I sent my daughter to Virginia Tech and this is what she came home with!"

After 25 years of marrriage, I took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old sexy chick. Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50 year old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things."

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25 year old sexy chick and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, and sleeping on a sofa bed.

Aren't older women great? They really know to how solve your mid-life crisis.

A little old guy is walking around in a supermarket calling out, "Crisco, Crisssssssco!"

Soon an assistant manager approaches and says, "Sir, the Crisco is in aisle 3."

The old guy replies, "Oh, I'm not looking for the cooking stuff. I'm calling my wife. She's in here somewhere."

The clerk is astonished. "Your wife's name is Crisco?"

The old guy answers, "Oh no, no, no. I only call her that when we're out in public."

"I see," said the clerk. "What do you call her at home?"

"Lard ass."