Latest Jokes

Last night I left my dentures under my pillow by accident. The Tooth Fairy must have come by because she left me a pile of Monopoly money with a note saying, "Nice try."

Eric went to confession on Saturday and he told Father Duffy that he had an affair with a married woman from the parish. Father Duffy asked Eric who she was and Eric said, "Father, I can't tell you."

Father said, "If you don't tell me I can't give you absolution."

Eric again said, "I know Father, but I just can't tell you."

Father Duffy then asked, "Was it Mrs. Murphy?"

"No, Father."

"Was it Mrs. O'Malley?"

"No, Father."

"Was it Mrs. O'Brian?"

"No, Father. I just cannot tell you who it was."

Father Duffy tells Eric to go out and think about it and then come back when ready to confess who it was. Eric leaves the church and runs into his friend Jim. Jim asks, "Did you tell him you had the affair?"

"Yes. He wanted to know who it was, but I wouldn't tell him."

"What did he say? Did he give you absolution?"

"Oh no, but he did give me three new possibilities........"

On a ship, the Project Managers of three different companies belonging to three different nations were traveling with their trainee engineers. They started an argument on whose trainee engineers had more guts.

The American PM called for one of his men and told him to jump off and take a swim around the moving ship. The trainee did as he was commanded. The American PM boasted and said, “See the guts!”

Now the German PM called out for one of his men and asked him to swim two laps around the moving ship. The trainee did as he was told. When he came back from the water the German PM said, “See the guts!”

Now the Indian PM called out for his most courageous man and asked him to swim five laps around the ship. The trainee promptly replied, ”Why the heck should I?”

The Indian PM proudly said, “See the guts!”

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?
He's all right now.