Down at the Veteran's hospital, a trio of old timers ran out of tales of their own heroic exploits and started bragging about their ancestors.
"My great grandfather, at age 13," one declared proudly, "was a drummer boy at Shiloh."
"Mine," boast another, "went down with Custer at the Battle of Little Big Horn."
"I'm the only soldier in my family," confessed vet number three, "but if my great grandfather was living today he'd be the most famous man in the world."
"What'd he do?" his friends wanted to know.
"Nothing much. But he would be 165 years old."
The homeowner got into his old work clothes one Saturday morning and set about all the chores his wife had been urging him to do all week.
He cleaned the garage, pruned the hedge, and was halfway through mowing the lawn when a woman pulled up in the driveway and called out her window, "Say, what do you get for yard work?"
The fellow thought for a moment and then answered, "The lady who lives here lets me live with her."