A teenage girl had just been given family-car privileges. One Friday night she returned home very late from a party.
The next morning her father went out to the driveway to get the newspaper and came back into the house frowning. At 11:30 am the girl sleepily walked into the kitchen, and her father asked her, "What time did you get in last night?"
"Not too late, Dad," she replied nervously.
Dead-panned, her father said, "Then I'll have to talk to the paperboy about putting my paper under the front tire of the car."
A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined.
After the trial he asked the judge, "This means that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?"
The judge said that was true.
"Does this mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?" the man asked.
The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig Mrs. Johnson with no fear of legal action.
The man turned and looked directly at Mrs. Johnson and said, "Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson."
"This hotel stinks!" a guest complained when he showed up at the front desk to check out.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"I got no sleep. Every 15 minutes this loud banging sound woke me up!"
I apologized for the noise and checked him out. A few minutes later, a couple showed up. Again, I made the mistake of asking how their stay was.
"Terrible!" they said. "The guy in the next room was snoring so loudly that we had to bang on the wall every 15 minutes to wake him up!"