An American enters a Swiss bank with a giant, heavy sack in each of his hands. He goes to the teller, brings his face close to the glass and whispers, "I have two million dollars with me. I urgently need to open a secret Swiss bank account!"
The Swiss bank teller replies in a normal volume, "Sir, there's no need to whisper. Poverty is nothing to be ashamed of in Switzerland."
Little Johnny and his younger sister Everleigh were on their very first train ride. They had brought along bananas for lunch. Just as they began to peel them, the train entered a long, dark tunnel.
"Have you eaten your banana yet?" Johnny asked excitedly.
"No," replied Everleigh.
"Well don't touch it then!" Johnny shouted. "I just took a bite and went blind!"
A man was wandering around a fairground and he happened to see a fortune teller's tent. Thinking it would be good for a laugh, he went inside and sat down.
"Ah....." said the woman as she gazed into her crystal ball. "I see you are the father of two children."
"That's what you think," the man laughed. "I'm the father of THREE children."
The woman grinned and said, "That's what YOU think!"