Latest Jokes

Two years after my heart attack, I was teaching my college course when I felt discomfort in my chest. I paused the class to pop my medication and felt better quickly.

“Now, if I ever do have a heart attack,” I told my students, “I will give extra credit to whoever gives me CPR.”

One of them shouted out, ”How much?”

My second-grade student came running up to me, whining. “Look what Robert stuck on my back!"

It was a sticky note with the words “Kick me, I’m stupid” written on it.

I took Robert aside and lectured him on how to treat people with kindness and the importance of being polite and encouraging.

A few minute later, I heard, “Look what Robert stuck on my back!”

It was that first little boy, holding another sticky note.

This one said, “Kick me, I’m smart.”

Three politicians were in a heated discussion as to which one was the best liar. As the discussion was getting louder and louder the bartender suggested they have a liars contest. After agreeing to the rules the first says, "I have never told a lie,"

The second indicated that he was not capable of telling a lie.

The third won the prize as he assured the bartender that, "The other two had told the exact truth."