doctor jokes

Doctor, doctor! I feel like a goat.”
“How long have you been like this?”
“Since I was a kid.”

A depressed patient went to see his primary care doctor as a routine check-up. The patient always looked stressed and depressed. After the examination and review all the patient's medicine (total of 8 different medications and some of them instruct to take two and three times a day) the doctor said " you must drink a lot of fluids when taking each of these medications “The patient was quiet and spoke softly to himself " then I don't think I have to eat anything else".

Old Granny Parkinson had won over half a million dollars in the lottery, but as she was a frail little woman her family was concerned that the shock of hearing the news might prove too much for her. Accordingly, they called in the family doctor to ask his advice.
“I’ll tell her if you like,” said the doctor. “I’ll lead up to it gradually.” The family accepted his offer gratefully, and showed him into the old lady’s bedroom. The doctor pretended to give her a routine examination and then began to chat generally of this and that, carefully leading the conversation ‘round to money. “Tell me Mrs. Parkinson,” he said, “what would you do if you suddenly came into half a million dollars?”
“Half a million?” said the old lady reflectively, “well you’ve always been very good to me, doctor, so I think I’d give half of it to you.”
And the doctor immediately collapsed and died of shock.

A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc., everytime I drink coffee, I get terrible pains in my eye."
The doctor says, "Try taking the spoon out first."