doctor jokes

A woman goes to her doctor. She has a breadstick up her nose, a potato in her right ear and string bean in her left ear.
She says, "Doctor, can you help me? I don't feel well, and I cannot figure out what's wrong."
The doctor replies; "Well my dear you are clearly not eating properly!"

According to the scholar, an internist knows everything and does nothing, a surgeon does everything and knows nothing, and a psychiatrist knows nothing and does nothing. Only a pathologist knows everything and does everything…too late.

Feeling dizzy and nauseous, Bill went to the doctor. “So,” said the doctor as bill sat on the examining table, “what seems to be the problem?” At once Bill shot his feet, grabbed his hat and coat, and stormed toward the door. “What’s the matter?” claimed the doctor.
“The nerve of you!” Bill snapped. “All those years of medical school, and you want me to make the diagnosis!”

While giving a physical the doctor noticed that his patient’s shins were covered with dark bruises.
“Tell me,” said the doctor, “do you play hockey or soccer?” “Neither,” said the man. “My wife and I play bridge.”