misc jokes

Two football players were taking an important final exam. If they failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the Sugar Bowl the following week. The exam was fill-in-the-blank.
The last question read, "Old MacDonald had a _________."
Bubba was stumped. He had no idea of the answer. He knew he needed to get this one right to be sure that he passed. Making sure the professor wasn't watching, he tapped Tiny on the shoulder.
"Pssst. Tiny. What's the answer to the last question?"
Tiny laughed. He looked around to make sure that the professor wasn't looking. Then he then turned to Bubba. "Bubba, you're so dumb. Everyone knows Old MacDonald had a farm."
"Oh yeah," said Bubba. "I remember now." He picked up his No.2 pencil and started to write the answer in the blank. He stopped. Reaching to tap Tiny's shoulder again, he whispered, "Tiny, how do you spell farm?"
"You are really dumb, Bubba. That's so easy. Farm is spelled E-I-E-I-O."

Did you hear about the accountant with insomnia? He decided to try counting sheep, but he made a mistake and was up all night trying to find it!

An elementary school teacher decides to poll the class on the difficulty of last night’s homework assignment. The question was: "How many people were able to complete the assignment without parents help?"

About 25% of the class raises their hands.

"How many people we able to complete the assignment with the help of a parent?"

About 70% of the class raises their hand. The teacher still notices about 5% of the class did not raise their hands.

She then calls out, "How many people had to help a parent complete your assignment?"

Did you hear what happened to the optometrist?

He fell into his lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself.