religious jokes
Favorite this joke A minister parked his car in a no parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. So he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSES."
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note: "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. LEAD US NOT INTO TEMPTATION."
A Christian family was at a pet store when the owner suggested that they get a Bible Dog.
Family: Bible Dog?
Owner: Watch. Bible Dog pray! (Bible Dog starts praying.)
Owner: Bible Dog read! (Bible Dog starts reading scripture.)
Family: We'll take him.
One week later the family hosts a party. The family shows off the Bible Dog by doing the same tricks that the owner showed them. One of the guests say that's fine, but can he do normal tricks.
Family: Bible Dog sit! (Nothing happens.)
Family: Bible Dog come! (Nothing happens.)
Family: Bible Dog heel!
Bible Dog stands on his two feet and lays a hand on one of the family's head and says, "You've been saved!!!"
Little Johnny is watching his father, a minister, prepare his Sunday sermon. "What are you doing?" he asks.
"Preparing my sermon for tomorrow," his father answers.
"But how do you know what to write?" asks little Johnny.
"I write what God tells me," was the reply.
Little Johnny thinks about this for a second and then asks, "So why do you keep on crossing out?"
Every week Murray goes to the synagogue and prays, "God, please let me win the lottery. Just once, please let me win the lottery."
This goes on week after week, month after month, "God, please let me win the lottery."
One day this majestic voice booms down from above, "Murray, meet me halfway, buy a ticket!"
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