A Student wanting to measure something asks his teacher, "Sir, do you have a ruler?"
"Yes," answers the teacher, "She's at home watching the kids."
Father: Why did you get such a low score in that exam?
Father: You were absent on the day of the exam?
Son: No but the boy who sits next to me was!
Son: Daddy, I got punished in school today.
Son: My teacher pointed the scale towards me saying, "At the end of this scale there is an idiot.".
I just asked "Which end?".
Teacher, "Martha, come to the blackboard and tell us on the world map where America is."
Martha point to America correctly.
Teacher, "Good. Now John, you tell us who discovered America"
John, "Martha just did"