Best Jokes

My grandfather worked in a blacksmith shop when he was a boy, and he used to tell me, when I was a little boy myself, how he had toughened himself up so he could stand the rigors of blacksmithing. One story was how he had developed his arm and shoulder muscles. He said he would stand outside behind the house and, with a 5 pound potato sack in each hand, extend his arms straight out to his sides and hold them there as long as he could.

After awhile he tried 10 pound potato sacks, then 50 pound potato sacks and finally he got to where he could lift a 100 pound potato sack in each hand and hold his arms straight out for more than a full minute.

Next, he started putting potatoes in the sacks.

A dumb girl & her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor's dog. It has been in the backyard barking for hours & hours. The dumb girl jumps up out of bed and says, "I've had enough of this." She goes downstairs.

She finally comes back up to bed and her husband says, "The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?"

The dumb girl says, "I put the dog in our backyard; let's see how THEY like it!"

The following is an ad from a newspaper which appeared four days in a row, the last three hopelessly trying to correct the first day's mistake.

MONDAY:
For sale: R. D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Phone 948-0707 after 7 P.M. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him cheap.

TUESDAY:
Notice: We regret having erred in R. D. Jones' ad yesterday. It should have read "One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone 948-0707 and ask for Mrs. Kelly, who lives with him after 7 P.M."

WEDNESDAY:
Notice: R. D. Jones has informed us that he has received several annoying telephone calls because of the error we made in the classified ad yesterday. The ad stands corrected as follows:
"For sale -- R. D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Cheap. Phone 948-0707 after 7 P.M. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who loves with him."

THURSDAY:
Notice: I, R. D. Jones, have no sewing machine for sale. I intentionally broke it. Don't call 948-0707 as I have had the phone disconnected. I have not been carrying on with Mrs. Kelly. Until yesterday she was my housekeeper, but she has now quit.

Women are just like modern art. You'll never enjoy either if you try to understand them.