Best Jokes

A guy was cutting the tail off his dog. His neighbor asked, "What the hell are you doing?"
“My mother-in-law is coming to visit and I don't want any sign of welcome" He replied.

Canadian geese are known to fly in a "V" shaped as they migrate across the county. The lead goose in the "V" cuts through the air making it easier for the rest of the geese behind him. As that lead goose becomes tired, he will drop off and join one of the sides and a new lead goose will take over. This is done several times as they are flying long distances. So if you look up in the sky and see a "V" shape of geese and one side is longer than the other, do you know what that means?
A:(There are more geese on that side)

A distraught older woman is looking at herself in the mirror and crying. Her voice shakes as she says to her husband, "I'm so old. I'm so fat. I look horrible. I really need a compliment."
Her husband, determined to quickly give his beloved the comfort she needs, exclaims, "Damn, do you have good eyesight!"

Two fish in a tank one says to the other
"How do you drive this thing"