Best Jokes

Little Billy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened.
Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, USA, they decided to send it to President Bush.
The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send Billy a $5.00 bill.
President Bush thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
Billy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to God, which read:
Dear God,
Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those crooks deducted $95.00.
Thanks,
Billy

Two aliens landed their ship on a golf course and watched a young man golfing. First he hit it into the high grass, mumbling and cursing he retrieved his ball. Then he hit it into the sand bunker shouting curse words he retrieved the ball. Next he hit a perfect hole in one, then the first alien said to the second, "Uh-oh cover your ears he's going to be really mad now"!

A couple attended marriage counseling to resolve communication problems. The fighting and bickering during the session was so bad the counselor called for a timeout and told them he was ending the session early but had an assignment for the husband.

“John,” the marriage counselor said, “you’re an athletic guy… here’s what I want you to do. I want you to jog 10 miles everyday for the next 30 days. At the end of the 30 days call me and let me know how things are going.”

John agreed.

At the end of the 30 days, John called the marriage counselor very excited. “I did just as you said and I have never felt better in my life!” he exclaimed over the phone.

“Great!” replied the counselor, “ And how’s your wife?”

John paused and then replied with agitated dismay, “How should I know, I’m 300 miles from home!”

A contractor hired two brothers to install home siding.
He demonstrated the process and sent them off to their first job.
Things were going smoothly when the older brother saw that his younger brother
was throwing nails away. He asked; "why are you throwing those nails away?" The younger brother replied, " The heads are on the wrong end." The older brother laughed, " Those are for the other side of the house."