Best Jokes

Gus the bartender sees a mushroom entering his bar. Gus says,” We don't serve mushrooms here. Try the one next door." But the Mushroom refuses,” You have the best beer. Besides I'm fungus." (I'm fun Gus)

One mighty fine morning a string walks into a bar. The bartender says,” We Don't want any strings." "I guess I will have to find a more understanding bartender." So the next day the same string walks into the same bar and says,” I want just one shot of Beer: original. "NOOOO!" The string gets kicked out and thinks up scheme so sinister it is worth a try. He comes back later used up of thinking, with frayed ends and a knot in his belly, made by himself. The bartender asked: "Aren't you that same string that came in here 2- days in a row?" "Nope, I'm a frayed knot." Says the string

Two brothers John and Mike went fishing, every time John threw his hook he caught a
fish but Mike was very unlucky. By the end of the day John had caught more than
twenty fish but Mike had caught nothing. Next day Mike woke up very early in the morning, dressed in John's clothes and carried John's hook. He went to the river and sat where John was seating yesterday. He threw the hook and waited. Darkness
cleared and the sun rose, after about 4 hours of his waiting a fish popped out and asked him "where is John?"

Two rather old retired racehorses are in a bar getting totally drunk. After about two hours the first racehorse says "You know.... when I was a young racehorse...from one hundred starts, I won (hic) 90 races, got 5 seconds and 5 thirds.... I am without doubt the greatest racehorse that ever lived....blah blah blah..."
In response to this and approximately a half an hour later the second racehorse responded, "Oh yeah...when I was a young racehorse...from one hundred starts, I won (hic) 95 races, got 2 seconds and 3 thirds.... I am the greatest racehorse that ever lived.... blah blah blah..."
Now it was about this time that the bartender (a greyhound) decided that they were drunk enough so he said, "I am sick of you two telling one another how great you are, you are both drunk and I am throwing you out of the bar, but before I do I want to let you know that when I was a young greyhound, from one hundred starts, I won 100 races, no seconds and no thirds."
The two racehorses were shocked and for 5 minutes sat with their mouths open until the fist racehorse finally said, "Isn't that amazing (hic)...a talking greyhound!"