Best Jokes

The teacher was warning the class about the dangers of going to in cold weather insufficiently clad. “There was one a boy,” he said, “who was so eager to go out and play with his sled that he didn’t put a coat or scarf on; he caught a chill, the chill led to pneumonia and he died!”

The teacher paused to allow the moral of this story to sink in, when a small voice said, “What happened to the sled ….?”

Guy: Do you have a map?
Girl: No, why do you ask?
Guy: Because I think I just got lost in your eyes.

A Man rushed into a doctor's office, jumped on his back, and started screaming, "One! Two! Three! Four!" "Wait a minute!" yelled the doctor, trying to get free. “What do you think you're doing?" The man said, "Well doctor, they did say I could count on you!"

Mrs. Smith’s elderly husband doesn't feel well so she takes him to the dr. Mr. Smith leaves her in the waiting room for a while. Finally the Dr. comes and says, "Mrs. Smith I’m sorry to tell you that your husband is going to die." Mrs. Smith says, "Dr. is there anything I can do?" the Dr. told her "well there is a couple of things you could do: First you could cook him a wonderful dinner every night. Second you could give him a nice back rub every night. Third you could make love to him like you never have before every night." Mrs. Smith says ok. A little while later Mr. Smith comes out and asks Mrs. Smith "what did the Dr. say?" Mrs. Smith says, "I’m sorry honey but you are going to die."