A woman meant to call a record store but dialed the wrong number and got a private home instead. "Do you have 'Eyes of Blue' and 'A Love Supreme'?" she asked.
"Well, no," answered the puzzled homeowner. "But I have a wife and eleven children."
"Is that a record?" she inquired.
"I don't think so," replied the man, "but it's as close as I want to get."
My new years resolution is not to shovel snow...
Since I'm moving to Phoenix Arizona, I feel pretty good about it.
Six-year-old Annie returns home from school and says that today she had her first embarrassing moment at school. Her mother, very interested, asks, "Oh, how did it go?"
"I nearly died of shame!" she answers. "Sam from down the street says the stork brings babies. Sally next door said you can buy babies at the orphanage. Pete in my class says you can buy babies at the hospital."
Her mother answers laughingly, "But that's no reason to be ashamed."
"No, but I can't tell them that we were so poor that you and daddy had to make me yourselves!"
What do you get when you cross a perfect poker hand with a successful bathroom experience by Queen Elizabeth?
A Royal Flush!