What do you get when you cross a perfect poker hand with a successful bathroom experience by Queen Elizabeth?
A Royal Flush!
Teacher: What has the 2016 election taught us?
Little Johnny: You don't need to hold press conferences if you have a Twitter account!
I could not find a frozen chicken big enough for my family dinner. I asked the young man behind the butcher counter if these chickens got any larger?
He replied, "I'm afraid not, they are all dead."
An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in...
A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.