I thought growing old GROWING OLD would take longer!
A homeowner in the former USSR puts a call in to the plumber to request an appointment to get his toilet fixed. The plumber says hold while he looks it up in his appointment book.
Plumber: Okay, I can be by you on a Wednesday, in 3 years, 7 months, and five days from now.
Customer: Will that be morning or evening?
Plumber: Why do you ask?
Customer: Because the electrician is coming in the morning.
Recently I went to a new golf shop in the big city. I shopped and studied and finally selected the new clubs I wanted. As I was checking out and getting ready to pay, the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me".
Not sure what was going on and not being used to the big city ways, I did as she asked. When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out she was referring to how I should place my credit card in the card reader.
I've been asked to shop elsewhere in the future. They need to make their instructions to seniors a little clearer. I still don't think I looked that bad.
Two women were talking on the phone. "Gilda, I just saw an ad on TV advertising a new weight loss program. It's called 'Your Chance to be Slim'."
"I heard about 'Your Chance to be Slim', Olga, and I know some people who tried it," replied Gilda.
"And how did go for them?"
"Not good."
"So what do you think the prognosis is of ME losing weight on this diet?"
"Slim chance."