Latest Jokes

Two women were talking on the phone. "Gilda, I just saw an ad on TV advertising a new weight loss program. It's called 'Your Chance to be Slim'."

"I heard about 'Your Chance to be Slim', Olga, and I know some people who tried it," replied Gilda.

"And how did go for them?"

"Not good."

"So what do you think the prognosis is of ME losing weight on this diet?"

"Slim chance."

Why is the moon like a dollar?

It has four quarters.

A first grade teacher collected old, well-known proverbs. She gave each kid in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest. Here are the results:

* Better be safe than ... Punch a 5th Grader.

* It's always darkest before ... Daylight saving time.

* You can lead a horse to water, but ... How?

* You can't teach an old dog ... Math.

* Love all, trust ... Me.

* The pen is mightier than the ... Pigs.

* You get out of something what you ... See pictured on the box.

* When the blind leadeth the blind ... Get out of the way.

* There is no fool like ... Aunt Eddie.

Everyone seems to be asking me, "Where do you see yourself five years from now?"

I always answer, "Five years from now, I'll see myself like I always do. In a mirror."