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Favorite this joke Wife asks her husband to pass her a newspaper. He replies, "Newspaper? Are yo really that behind reality? Technology has developed so much and you are still asking for the newspaper? Here, take my iPad instead."
The wife takes the iPad and uses it to kill a cockroach. Her husband faints.
A woman was walking on the beach right after a horrible divorce, feeling really depressed, and she kicks this bottle.
Out comes a genie, and he says, "I see you are a divorcee, and I hate divorcees! I have been paying me ex alimony for the past 10,000,000 years! However, you did free me, and I will give you a wish, one wish, and your ex will get five times as much."
She starts thinking what she can ask for that will be good for her and bad for her ex, first she wants to ask for a million dollars, but then understands that her ex will get five million. Then she was going to be extremely beautiful, but realizes that her ex will look even better.
After a long time of thinking she says, "I know what I want. I decided that I want to marry a great man, and give birth to his child."
I got up early this morning, still dark out, and went into the bathroom. Thinking I was grabbing the bottle of Listerine, I started gargling with Kaopectate.
My wife is thrilled. "Great!" she said. "Maybe you'll no longer have diarrhea of the mouth!"
A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a baby giraffe sitting next to him. "Are you a baby giraffe?" asked the man, surprised.
"Yes."
"What are you doing at the movies?"
The giraffe replied, "Well, I liked the book."
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