Latest Jokes

My Irish mother-in-law gave me an “Irish Blessing” just before my wife and I went on vacation.

I’d feel better about the “may the wind be at your back” thing if we weren’t going to the Grand Canyon this year.

To surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office. When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap.

Without hesitating, he dictated, "And in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair."

Here are a few funny insurance claims people supposedly have made:

* "Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have."

* "The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention."

* "I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it."

* "The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him."

* "I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car."

* "An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished."

* "I was unable to stop in time, and my car crashed into the other vehicle. The driver and passengers then left immediately for a vacation with injuries."

* "When I could not avoid a collision, I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car."

* "I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident."

Marriage is like a card game. They start with a pair, he shows a diamond, she shows a flush, and they end up with a full house.